I’m in a very conflicted place as birth of our first baby speedily approaches. On one hand I’m very excited to get this phase of my life started. We’ve been buying baby stuff like crazy while we still have disposable income and it’s always fun. Over the weekend we were at Babies R Us and we got the cutest little dinosaur costume for the baby for Halloween. The nursery is pretty much ready to go and things look good.
But the darker, more selfish part of me wishes time would slow down a bit so I can savor the last bits of the time I’ll have to myself. I think I realize my life is going to change drastically, but I’m not sure even I know how drastically. Like I said, there are some selfish things I’ll miss like going to the movies alone anytime I want and spending lots of times at Borders and things like that. But I’m also very worried about how this is going to affect my writing. I’ve got a nice rhythm going now and I feel really good about this book and I don’t want all of that to come to a screeching halt.
I’m also going to miss all of the time Becky and I get to spend together. I was such a solitary person for so long who really enjoyed being by myself that I still find it hard to believe there is someone out there I like being around this much. In the relatively short amount of time Becky and I have had together we’ve had quite a bit of fun. We’ve traveled to Chicago, Cleveland (twice), Windsor, Toronto, Niagra Falls, Baltimore, Mackinac Island, and the Upper Peninsula. But there is so much more I’d like to do.
People say that with the baby around my priorities will change and he’ll become the center of my world. I’ve even heard stories of writers completely abandoning their careers to focus on their families. I love my family, but I hope that doesn’t happen to me. Does that sound awful? It’s not exactly that my life identity is tied up in my writing, but it’s a big part of who I am and what I want my life to account for in the grand scheme of things. Anybody can leave a kid behind on this earth (as evidenced by numerous viewing of Maury and Jerry) but very few people can leave a body of published writing behind.
Okay, I’m going to stop now before I say anything else that makes me sound like a crass dick.