I’ve been in kind of a nasty funk for a while now and I’m getting sick of it. I can’t sleep, I have too much on my mind but during the day all I want to do is nap. I’m not hungry, nothing sounds good to read and I haven’t felt like writing. All I want to do all day is sit on the couch and frown. Even TV doesn’t make me feel better. Going to the movies has worked here and there (Spenser and I saw How To Train Your Dragon 2 today and it was a phenomenal movie) but I can’t spend all day every day at the movies so something needs to break.
Obviously losing my job is a big part of it, but the bigger part is what to do next. I should be eager to resume my free-wheeling freelance life. I’ve enjoyed the projects I’ve worked on so far and I have some more cool projects lined up through August, but I can’t settle in. I spend too much time looking for jobs, either more freelance work or a permanent job. This is odd for me because I’m not usually the sort who craves steady work or security. I’m guessing having a family has a lot to do with it. If I just had to worry about myself I think the feast or famine nature of freelance wouldn’t get to me as much. But lately, all I really want is a nice steady gig in a bland office tower in a downtown area with benefits and a pension plan and office potlucks.
I really hope this is just a temporary funk because the last time I felt like this I was miserable and didn’t write or read for about two years and I don’t ever want to feel anything like that again. I just need to keep on pushing, keep on surviving, and keep on trying. I picked up a non-fiction book about summer theatre camp from the guy who wrote Pitch Perfect. And I’m going to take a break from writing the Murder Boy sequel to write some more on my secret fantasy novel that I’ll be reading live from next Saturday at the North American Science Fiction Convention. Hmmm, I actually forgot until just now that’s coming up as quickly as it is. Maybe that will help break me out of this funk.