These aren’t a few of my favorite things

Following in the tradition of such luminary ranter as Jim Winter and Ray Banks I’ve decided to use my bloggy pulpit to rant about two of my biggest pet peeves. I’m back at school now and the one things that’s always irritated me at whatever school I’ve attended is these people with backpacks that have little wheels on them that they drag along behind them. Okay, if you’re an airline pilot and you have a huge suitcase to drag from concourse A to Concourse Zimbabwa and you’re still hung over from your last flight, maybe you could use some wheels. But for a freshman with a notebook, a textbook and maybe a pen is it really that hard to throw the bag over your back??? And dragging a big suitcase across a smooth airport floor is a heck of a lot easier than pulling a rickety little Walmart backpack with $.02 Chinese wheels across broken concrete sidewalks and up stairs. But they’re everywhere! I don’t get it. It’s not like it’s a status thing. Nobody looks at these people and goes, “Hey look, that guy must be rich or famous, he’s dragging a little backpack behind him on wheels. Poor me and my padded shoulder straps and sturdy back support.”

And then there’s my doozy pet peeve: people who back into parking spaces.

This is just stupid. Are they doing it so they can have an easy time pulling out of the spot after their shopping trip? If so, don’t they realize it takes a lot longer to back INTO a parking space than to back OUT of a parking space. Backing out involves maybe one long turn of the wheel while in reverse. Just go slow and look for small children to hit…I mean miss. But backing into a space involve complex mapping logorithms and stunt level driving. Most often the nose of the vehicle is left sticking out into the lane because the boob driving was too scared of backing into the car behind him. The best excuse for this assinine habit is people who say they do it because they can’t back out of a parking spot. THINK ABOUT THAT PEOPLE. Argh. Idiots. I think it’s just the ultimate in pomposity. “Look at me, I scratch my balls, drink cheap beer and don’t have any teeth, but I have the skill to back my truck into a parking spot.” These are also, inevitably, the people who race out of that same parking lot at Mach One right in front of me while I’m mocking the ass behind me who is backing into a space. The only people who rank lower on this food chain are the ones who park over the middle line taking up two spaces so they don’t have a car on either side of them to scratch it. Just for fun though when I had my Geo Metro (approximatley the same size as a go cart) Id squeeze in next to those cars anyway and exit through the back hatch door.

21 thoughts on “These aren’t a few of my favorite things

  1. Sorry, Bryon, but I have to disagree on the parking space thing. I *LOVE* backing into parking spaces. Why? Because it really is a complete PITA to have to guage who’s coming from what direction as I back out. Also, more importantly, I worked really hard to learn how to back into a space properly (the joys of needing 8 tries to pass my license, granted it was 4 times for each stage but still) so I have a pretty good idea of how much I need to go forward and then back in so as not to hit any car.Having said that, I much prefer backing into spots to my right than to my left. But if I can’t drive directly through, or as long as I have enough room to do so (if there are 2 trucks on either side, I won’t bother) then I will almost always back into the parking space.

  2. I was never a fan of half-pitas myself. Give me the complete pita with a little yogurt or cucumber sauce, gyro, lettuce, and tomato. (I got the acronym, and it still made me hungry.)

  3. Mmmmmm, gyros. There’s this little coney cafe in the mall near me that serves great gyros according to legend but I can’t bring myself to order them because on the menu they are called Yeros brand pita sandwiches. Come on, isn’t that a little too on the nose. Everytime I see gyro though I think of Scrooge McDuck’s dorky inventor named Gyro Gearloose. I miss my Disney comics…

  4. You think its bad there, try at an elementary school. The rolling backpacks are bigger than most of the kids and they have a hard time controlling them. To add to the mayhem, watch these same kids try to get them in and out of the car before and after school, while all the parents are waiting up in the parking pick-up lane.

  5. I won’t back into parking spots, but I will do the “pull through” when you have two empty parking spots adjacent to one another and if you just pull in and pull through into the other space it looks like you did a back in, but in reality you’re pulling into the spot and pulling out of it. I remember Michigan college students. Back in the early nineties when my pop used to teach at Central Michigan University (Go Chippewas!) those punks used to have their roller blades on, their winter coats… and shorts… it’s 12 degrees out and your roller skating on ice and wearing shorts. What the hell.And wow, Bryon were you taking a shot at Sarah or whoever’s post it was you deleted? Because taking a shot at Sarah takes guts. She could crush you like fly.

  6. crush you like a fly, in a blog way. By spreading bad news about you. She could probably kick your ass too. She is from Canada, and lived in NYC for a long while. She’s hardened.

  7. Oh I was taking a shot at Sarah alright and I did it anonymously the first time but deleted that post and put my name to it like a real man. And Sarah won’t screw around with me, I know where her bodies are buried.

  8. Wheely things are cool now? One of my friends always used a luggage rack–she could’ve managed a notebook but not two hundred pounds of orgo books–and it was definitely unique on campus. She’ll be shocked and perhaps dismayed to learn of this new trend….

  9. I’m with you on the middle line parking thing. People who do that should have their cars moved to the other side of the mall.I actually do what Dave White does, pull through a space so I am “backed” into the adjacent space, but everyone does this.As for the wheelie things, well, some of us are getting old and have wrenched our necks and shoulders from all those years of carrying the backpack over one shoulder (the cool way), so we are relegated to the wheelie things. I have been pricing them. But in my defense, I carry a heavy laptop and quite a few books.

  10. I loathe any bag on wheels, but then I come from the Land Of The Retiree Zombie where wheeled bags are de rigeur (along with blue rinses, small yapper type dogs and mumbling incoherently in bus queues). There’s no excuse for them at all. Age be damned!And now I want to know what an “orgo book” is…

  11. I’m surprised Bryon would challenge Sarah. I added a hit counter around the same time Bryon did, and though I haven’t hit 1000 yet, he is close to 2000. I guess that’s enough to make Bryon confident, and I’m happy for him, but to challenge Sarah? And after she made him a cabana boy?Oh, the shame of it all…

  12. I’m with John on the whole wheelybag thing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any students over here with them, just little old ladies who drive them into your ankles. And they’re always tartan. To be honest, if any schoolkid wheeled one around in Glasgow I think they’d get a severe arsekicking. On the subject of driving and backing into spaces, well I can’t back into spaces. Of course, I can’t back out of them either. I’ve been known to drive for miles to find a car park with three empty spaces in a row, and then catch a bus the rest of the way. Good job I gave it up.Donna

  13. With jobs I hate, I always back into parking spaces in order to get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible. And considering I drive a long bed truck, this is not easy.As far as your other pet peeve… eh.Not peevish enough for me.

  14. In this instance “orgo book” = “organic chemistry book”…but yeah, that’s not necessarily the most intuitive or entertaining interpretation.

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