The Grinch Song is a Hate Crime

Over at the blog of authors Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt they’re asking readers what they’re favorite Christmas song is. I responded in the comments about the song I like the least. Year after year I’ve heard this song and it never really triggered anything but that was because I never heard the whole thing through. Then last week I finally heard the entire version of “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch.” What an awful song.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
You’re as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.
You’re a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You’ve got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn’t touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the seasick crockodile.

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You’re a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: “Stink. Stank. Stunk.”

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You’re the king of sinful sots.
Your heart’s a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You’re a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.

You’re a three decker saurkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce.

It’s just verse after verse after verse after verse beating up on the guy. Sure he was bad, but he repented in the end. How about some friggin’ slack?

5 thoughts on “The Grinch Song is a Hate Crime

  1. Awww, you called me young. That’s awesome. And yes, I’m strange but for a crowd of folks who makes things up for very little pay I don’t think that’s all bad.

  2. You never listened to the Grinch song lyrics before? Shame on you.

    I love this song. I love the lyrics. And while it’s being sung, you know, they’re showing him stealing all the Christmas stuff. They don’t sing it at the end when he’s all “his heart grew three sizes that day.”

  3. What? What is wrong with you?

    This is right up there with Armstrong’s “Zat you, Santy Claus?”, and Robert Earl Keen’s “Merry Christmas from the Family.”

    It’s a classic.

    But then, knowing your taste in movies, this should surprise no one.

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