Interview. Wreally. Worst. World’s. Or Something.

Things are getting really bad in the blog interview circles. Victor Gischler sank to the depths of worstdom when he snagged Dennis Lehane. Who next? The Pope? Dan Brown? And even the newbies are doing their best to ruin the horrid quality of blog interviews. Paul Guyot bugged no less than Michael Connelly in his latest interview. Well, with my interviews of crappy mystery writers doing nothing for the form, I’ve decided to expand my circle to include crappy non-mystery writers. I orginally wanted Jocelyn’s thoughts on the law and fanfic, but then I thought of someone even more desperate and pathetic. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Christin Kuretich.

BQ: What’s the worst rejection you ever received?

CK: Well it’d probably have to be the time I sent a fan letter to Jordan Knight of NKOTB when I was 13, asking him if he would be my boyfriend, and if I could please have an autographed picture.He sent me an autographed picture, alright – along with a hand-written note that simply said “NO”. I was crushed for at least 37 minutes.

Ok that didn’t really happen.

Probably the worst rejection I’ve received of note was the time I didn’t get this position for Saks Fifth Ave. Corporate. It was to be an in-house video producer, it was right up my alley, and I was totally qualified. They loved me in the interviews, yet somehow I didn’t get it. I was so crushed. But now I know all things happen for a reason and I wouldn’t have found my current job if I had gotten that one, so – I got over it.

BQ: So you’re kinda ticked you missed Bouchercon this year aren’t you?

CK: I’m totally ticked. Of course I didn’t know what Bouchercon was up until 2 months ago, so I really didn’t get angry until you brought it up just now. Thanks a lot, Bryon. Bastard.

BQ: You’ve written mainly short stories so far but I understand you are
working on a novel. Tell us a little about it and whether shorter or
longer is better.

CK: Actually I am working on a novel, and have been for quite some time. I cannot reveal its title, plot, or anything else about it – only that I refer to it simply as “the manuscript”. The only person who knows about my novel is Duane Swierczwhatever and he is sworn to secrecy, as my BFF (for those of you who didn’t grow up in the 80’s, that means “best friend forever”).

My first short story, however, will be coming out later this year. That’s all I’ll say. It’ll knock your socks off.

BQ: What’s the one novel you’re really glad you didn’t write?

CK: Probably have to be DaVinci Code. What a stinkpot of goo that was! That guy’s publisher must be suicidal.

BQ: If you could date any mystery writer who would it be?

CK: Now this is a good question. Well, I’m happily married, of course, but I’m always open to seeing other people. (ha) So many good choices – if I was a guy I’d totally say Sarah Weinman, cuz’ that girl kicks ass. But of all the lovely gentleman I’ve met thus far – I’d have to say, the Jackson Donne author has captured my heart. Of course to really know the answer – I think we should hold The Dating Game at Bouchercon this year. Who’s up for it?

BQ: In a Jersey turf fight, who would win between you and Pat Lambe?

CK: Well of course, me. I don’t even know Pat Lambe, but even so, his name doesn’t sound so tough. I could take him. And Pat, I’ll be in Jersey for 4th of July weekend. Meet me on the turf. Wherever that is.

BQ: What’s your favorite Jersey corruption story?

CK: I love the one about…wait, Jersey corruption story? I’m sorry – my mom was reading me Duluth Corruptions Stories as a child. I’m not familiar with the Jersey stories of corruption. Could someone Fed Ex me some samples?

BQ: Where’s the worst place you’ve ever written anything?

CK: My office chair, answering the questions for this interview. (hahahahahaahahaha)

BQ: Do you ever want to hit the stupid little kids you teach?

CK: All the time. Kids are stupid. The only way you can get information into their heads is by smacking it in. Just ask Dave White.

CK: Lemurs, to be sure. The name sounds cuter.