I Think I’d Rather Be An Athiest

Even taking into account the limitations of the human brain, I’ve had a very hard time these last few days reconciling the image of a merciful, loving God I’d believed in with an all-seeing God who could proceed with the creation of mankind knowing even one of us was capable of shooting a classroom full of little kids 11 times.

In what scenario is the creation of mankind ever justified with this outcome? And it’s not just this one mass murder. What about the little kids who endure unthinkable sexual abuse daily or the little babies murdered by their parents every day? I’d rather believe there is no God at all than believe in a God who could see these events and still proceed with his creation.

I was taught that the sole reason for the creation, and the creation of mankind specifically, was to glorify God. This is what makes free will necessary because God wants to be loved by choice not by force. But the ultimate price of that free will is a world in which events like Newtown, and the daily abuse and murder of children are a reality.

I’d love to turn my back on my faith and go forward without a belief in God, but what sickens me is my genuine belief that God is real. There will be stories of good things coming out of this tragedy. Stories of families reunited, communities coming together, people changing their lives for the better. But I can’t think of a single good thing that is worth having a six year old’s little body torn apart by 11 bullets.

How can I be joyful at the thought of spending eternity with a God who felt having a creation free to worship him was worth this kind of suffering?