Feeling Funky But Not In The Marky Mark Kind Of Way

I’ve been in kind of a nasty funk for a while now and I’m getting sick of it. I can’t sleep, I have too much on my mind but during the day all I want to do is nap. I’m not hungry, nothing sounds good to read and I haven’t felt like writing. All I want to do all day is sit on the couch and frown. Even TV doesn’t make me feel better. Going to the movies has worked here and there (Spenser and I saw How To Train Your Dragon 2 today and it was a phenomenal movie) but I can’t spend all day every day at the movies so something needs to break.

Obviously losing my job is a big part of it, but the bigger part is what to do next. I should be eager to resume my free-wheeling freelance life. I’ve enjoyed the projects I’ve worked on so far and I have some more cool projects lined up through August, but I can’t settle in. I spend too much time looking for jobs, either more freelance work or a permanent job. This is odd for me because I’m not usually the sort who craves steady work or security. I’m guessing having a family has a lot to do with it. If I just had to worry about myself I think the feast or famine nature of freelance wouldn’t get to me as much. But lately, all I really want is a nice steady gig in a bland office tower in a downtown area with benefits and a pension plan and office potlucks.

I really hope this is just a temporary funk because the last time I felt like this I was miserable and didn’t write or read for about two years and I don’t ever want to feel anything like that again. I just need to keep on pushing, keep on surviving, and keep on trying. I picked up a non-fiction book about summer theatre camp from the guy who wrote Pitch Perfect. And I’m going to take a break from writing the Murder Boy sequel to write some more on my secret fantasy novel that I’ll be reading live from next Saturday at the North American Science Fiction Convention. Hmmm, I actually forgot until just now that’s coming up as quickly as it is. Maybe that will help break me out of this funk.

8 thoughts on “Feeling Funky But Not In The Marky Mark Kind Of Way

  1. Sounds like mild-to-medium-sized depression to me.

    “I’m guessing having a family has a lot to do with it.”

    Oh, yeah. Nothing like the fear of knowing how responsible you are for the support and well being of other people to add that extra little twist to the screw.

    I been there, man. Only thing to do is power through it.

  2. Yeah, it’s depression. I’m right there with you — it rolled in about a week ago, and I may have to do something more about it than just sit in the sun and bump up my number of deadlines (my usual remedy). Respect it and treat it as the illness it is. Go to the doctor and book yourself a few sessions with a cognitive behavioral therapist to set some concrete, reasonable goals for the short term. Good luck.

  3. My go-to solution is a good walk or hike, the harder the better usually. Sometimes I’ll watch a movie or something I really like too. Which I am going to do right now, as a matter of fact.

  4. Two YEARS? Yike. Definitely do what you can to get out of it. You have so many great things going on that many people wish for years for (baby, book…) And I am gonna hire you to critique the first 50 pp of my novel at the end of this summer, provided I stop revising it relentlessly!

  5. Yeah, that two years sucked something fierce. That was mostly my pen doing by trying to force projects that weren’t happening. I’m actually feeling a whole lot better today. We’ll see if it lasts

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