Fatty Fatty Fat Pants Man

 

America is a big fat nation of fatties, I get that. What I don’t get is why the only dress pants I can find seem to be cut for skinny hipsters. I can understand that in certain stores and with certain brands this is always going to be the case (I’m looking at you Banana Republic and J. Crew) but I was looking for  Dockers, the official pants of portly white dudes everywhere, and could only find skinny cut or giant wide leg cut. I finally found one single pair in the entire store that was a nice middle ground (with bonus stretchy hidden waistband) but it all just reinforced how much I hate shaping for pants.

In general I enjoy shopping for clothes for myself, but pants hilight everything I hate about fashion and everything that is wrong with my body. I could, of course, make this all easier on myself by losing about 10 pounds, but that would be the easy way out. I could also pay money to have pants tailored to my unique form, but again, how would the companies learn? I’m speaking out against an industry here. Portly gentleman of all striped need to have their voices heard. We may be lazy and prone to fast food indulgences, but we deserve pants that don’t make us look like hipster tools or Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince.

If I were going to lose weight though, it would happen without my knowing it. You may remember back several years ago when I first moved to Ann Arbor that I lost about 20 pounds without even trying  just by walking everywhere. Now that I live in the burbs that is no longer an option, but Becky conned me into running a 5k race for her birthday. In order to run this race without dying, I suspect some training will be in order. Given that the race in about a month and a half away, that training should start soon. I’m hoping that training for this race, combined with my genral loss of appetite in the summer due to the heat, can whack off a few pounds because I’m kind of sick of being this weight.

Not quite sick enough yet to officially do something about it, but who knows what sorts of things I may resort to if I have to go shopping for pants again.

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