Family Matters

Becky and I are coming up on our one year anniversary and I’m amazed at how much my life has changed in the last couple of years, especially this last year. My best friend got married last weekend and I’ve been thinking about how much my friendships have changed since I left college, but the relationship that I’m having the most trouble
reconciling with my life now and in the future is with my family.

For the most part, there’s just been four of us: my mom, my dad, and my younger sister. We’ve always been close, many times too close for someone like my self who tends to be private and stubborn and selfish, and now that I live an hour away and I’m working and spending time with Becky and her family they’re feeling neglected.

I can understand where they’re coming from, but there’s not much I can do about it and I think there’s more than just common neglect being addressed here. As I look to my future with Becky, she’s going to be the one I look to for support and encouragement and even bossing around. That’s going to be tough on people who have pretty much had me to themselves for 30 years.  And it really probably doesn’t help that I’m spending more time with Becky’s parents. The biggest reason for
this is that they live closer. Like fifteen minutes away closer. But I also really like spending time with her family. They’ve got a big family with a baby I absolutely adore and they do things as a big family that I never did with my small family. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the whole “grass is greener” thing because I didn’t have to
deal with all of the troubles associated with being part of a big family.

As all of this goes on longer, my family of course tries harder to be included in my life which only frustrates me (and them) more and it becomes a vicious circle. Because she doesn’t get to talk to me as much, my mom feels like I’m drifting away and she’s not happy with some of the lifestyle and religious choices I’ve made which of course
makes things work. It’s not as big of a deal when you see or talk to the person everyday, but when you only get a few choice periods to talk to someone, the last thing you want to do is spend it arguing about something trivial.

I know my family loves me and wants the best for me, and I love them and want to be part of their life. But I’m not a kid anymore, I have more than myself and them to worry about now, and I don’t want to have to defend everything I do all the time. This blog post is probably not going to help any, and certain wisdom might say it would be better not to talk about any of this and keep it private. But my main goal with all of my writing, this blog included, has been to be honest. I want to portray an accurate view of my life with warts and all as much as possible. I don’t want to be malicious about it and I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, but these are the thoughts on my mind and I’m trying to work my way through them and my writing has always been the best venue for that.

How do you guys deal with family or close friends who have trouble sharing you and would you ever write about these kinds of issues in a public forum? Am I just being a jerk here?