Blue Notes

I’ve been a bit depressed the last few days. Not the tortured-artist-slash-my-wrists-to-feel-the-muse type of depressed, more like the Ziggy-under-a-raincloud-sigh sort.

One reason for this is my financial situation. I just don’t have enough money to do all of the things I need and want to do. I have a job that pays well but it’s only part time. Previously in the summers I’ve normally had high-paying, full-time office jobs that gave me enough money to play around and then during the school year I was poor but it didn’t matter because I had a job and classes I loved. This is the first summer I’ve truly been independant and poor and it sucks. It sucks hard. Other than the small luxuries like full priced movie tickets and dinners at restaurants without drive-thru windows, the things I really wish I had money for are a weekend trip to New York and the funds to do BCon in Chicago up right. I want to see Spamalot.

Luckily I live in Ann Abor and while it is a distant second to NYC, it’s many large adjectives beyond Flint where I’ve traditionally spent the summers. There are free museums and free movies and fairs and theres always student discount and mantinee movie tickets but still. It tends to make me question the lifestyle choices I’ve made and whether I really am happy with the sacrifices I’ve made to be able to write and study full-time. And then I look at my production of the last year. I finished my novel twice and wrote more short stories than the previous five years combined and I was able to work with Dave on the groundbreaking Blog Short Story Project. Of course the sacrifices are worth it. I’m not starving (parents live less than an hour away, starving is never a danger) and I’m not in danger of being repossed or hauled off to debtor’s prison, but I’d at least like to have more than receipts, lint and a strange foil package in my wallet.

UPDATE–Geez, I can’t believe I forgot to add the main reason why I’ve been feeling like this. My best friend will be leaving shortly to spend two years with the Peace Corps. When she leaves Im screwed because that leaves me without a best
friend. I have a few friends some even close friends but I will be
missing that one person who is my go-to friend, the all-encompassing
Swiss Army knife of friendship and that just sucks. I helped move her out of her apartment on Thursday and store some stuff at her parents house and the really crappy part is it could be 2-6 months before she knows where and when she’s going. So more than likely one day she’ll just up and say she’s leaving the next week or something and that breaks my heart.